Growing older but not up!

January 12, 2010

So, my pastor said something a few weeks ago that keeps coming to the forefront of my mind. “God’s goodness is not all about my happiness”.  I instantly understood what Randy was saying, or I should say, what the Lord was saying to me through Randy. God wants us happy. God REALLY wants us happy, but he would fore-go ALL of my happiness for my obedience which, of course, would lead me into happiness.  Obedience is a very hard word to embrace.  It has a negative connotation to it.  But think about a child at the store who is out of control, he is fighting his parent’s will with every fiber of his being.  Does that make him happy?  Even if he got that box of cereal or toy that he HAS to have, would he be a truly happy child or a nightmare for his parents later on?  His needs right now are not healthy, but he believes everything will be perfect if he wins this battle and gets what he wants.  When a child is at peace however, playing a game, laughing, giggling, is there a more wonderful experience as a parent than to see your child happy?  You would do anything that was healthy for your child to make them happy.  I believe that is how God sees us, he wants us TRULY happy.  Not something transitory and ultimately hurtful.  That is why he sometimes says “no” and if I want to be happy, I need to learn obedience.

Which leads me to how I pray.

I can’t believe I try to bargain with God.  I am not so naive to think that I really have anything other than my obedience to offer God.  By that I mean I don’t (often) make God promises IF he answers my prayers.  What could I possibly have that he needs.  Quite often the things we think will make us happy, the things we pray most fervently for, are not what will draw us closer to God.  But I found a little loophole, what if my prayer is TOTALLY selfless????  AhHa!!!  Then, of course, he will have to give me what I am asking for because it is not for me, it is for the greater good.  Plus I get to feel pretty superior about it.  I will let you know how it works out.

My goal is to talk to God just like it was my best friend in the room.  I don’t bargain with a friend, we talk about what is happening in our lives and share the burdens and the joys.  Funny thing, it is always a two way conversation.  My time in prayer with God needs to look a lot more like that.

My son Jason thought it was funny when I said “I want to be more childlike, and yes, it is possible.” I want to get to that amazing place where my trust is absolute.  Where the crazy stuff that is always there in the background just fades away and I can be in that quiet moment where relationship is all that matters.  Then obedience would just naturally happen.  I will never, in this life, actually reach this point, but I need to keep trying.  I think I am getting real close on the child-like thing.  Or that is what everybody keeps telling me.


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